Fool, am I

So, I got stabbed in the back this evening.

Betrayal never stops hurting, really. But at the same time, I'm almost disturbingly used to it by now. Ever since that first great betrayal, all the others seem minor by comparison. Still, I put myself out there pretty hard, and got very little in return, except the surprisingly decorative knife jutting out of my back.

What's sad is that I saw it coming. The closer I got to her, the more I felt her retreating from me. I had hoped that she woulda had enough class to stab me face to face, but I suppose she didn't wanna have to wash the bloodstains out of the carpet. Fair enough. That's why God invented cellphones after all.

As for you, you cold little girl with no heart, let me just say I appreciate the advice. I do need to learn to love myself. I need to stop hating myself. Maybe, if you were as smart as you think you are, you could have figured out that you coulda taught me that. But it's too late for that now.

Of course, it's not like you're reading this. I figure you're doing like I'm doing, purging my existence from your life, like I was little more than an odd dream. I'm cool with that. All your e-mails are deleted and your phone number's gone, and I killed my dating profile the day you said you wanted to be my girlfriend, so if you wanna get back on the online dating horse and find some asshole that'll love himself and treat you like shit, be my guest.

BUT, if you are reading this, let me give you some advice. You spend so much time protecting yourself, always looking to escape, to distance yourself, to run. A True Hero doesn't run. A True Hero Protects Others and puts them First. A True Hero is willing to Sacrifice to Help Others, even if it means dropping his or her armor, and taking a bullet.

I'll never become the person I need to be if I keep hating myself. You'll never learn to be the person you need to become if you're too afraid to let anyone in. You've never really cared about anyone, have you? I'm sorry for that.

As for anyone else who happens to be reading this little public sob story, I'd like to apologize. But if I'm gonna get any sleep tonight, I had to get this nonsense outa my head.

As for me, I'm gonna be quiet for a little while. But don't worry, I'll be back in a flash.

After all, I got too much work to do.