MONSTER KING Rules and "The Annihilators" Sucks

"I Looked So Lonely."

Ah, Saturday. MONSTER KING time. Nice. Anyway, we've got Pages 12 and 13 this week, which you can find at the Main Site at www.torcpress.com. This week, we get some... Windows? And what's behind these little windows? Hell, I don't know. I just write this stuff. Still, pay attention to these pages. I think there's some meaning to all of this. Maybe.

In other news, lost my mind and went, appropriately enough, to St. Lunatic. Bought a ton of comics, most of which were sight unseen. Unfortunately, one of those books were the first two issues of Marvel's new "Annihilators". Oh my God this book is so bad. So woefully bad. So unbelievably bad. So, why am I crapping on this book? Welp, here we go...

First, the premise. The Annihilators are a team of Cosmic Heroes set up to protect the Galaxy itself from Big, Big Evil Stuff. It's the Silver Surfer (the reason I wasted my time and money on this CRAP (eventually I'm just going to have to accept that there's never going to be another good comic with the Surfer in it ever)), Gladiator (eh), Ronan the Accuser (meh), Beta Ray Bill (cool), and Quasar (BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!). In the first two issues, everyone bickers alot and there's something about Dire Wraiths.

So, why does it suck? Well, did I mention that in the first two issues that everyone bickers constantly? Or that some alien chick in armor makes the entire group look like pussies in the first few pages? How about the terrible art? I mean, seriously, Marvel. You're the top comic book company in America and this is the best you can do? The colors are pale and weak. The art is completely non-dynamic. The art guy can't draw Beta Ray Bill's face to save his ass. Oh, and the Silver Surfer has EARS. EARS!!!!!!!! Rauugh!!!! For the love of all that is holy, the Surfer doesn't have frickin' ears. He's never, ever, ever had ears. MORONS! (And, yes, I'm aware how stupid it is that I'm upset over ears, I'm honestly kinda overplaying it for drama's sake) Other than that, the book is narrated by Quasar. Now, for those of you who don't know who Quasar is, he's a Lame ass rip off of Green Lantern who has died like twenty times. He sucks. Big Time. So, what does he do throughout Issues 1 and 2? Welp, he whines and complains incessantly about HOW MUCH HE SUCKS! I'm not even joking! Also, I don't think Gladiator does anything in either issue. It's just so boring and sad and lame and boring and poorly drawn and the Surfer has ears. Anyway, I regret this purchase, but whatcha gonna do?

Oh, and if you want a comic where things happen, and people don't constantly whine, and the art is...well, it's up to you whether you like my art or not, and half of the book isn't taken up by a crappy back up story about some Raccoon (I forgot about that part, there's like, not much actual content, either), then head over to www.torcpress.com/store.html and pick up my two new books, "The Clown & Tea Cup Show #1" and "Monster King #2". Between the two books there's Robots and Undead Samurai and Violence and Mayhem and Beer and Vans and Bizarre Dreams, and more bang for your buck than anything Marvel's gonna give ya. Yeah, I said it.